By David Shamah, Jerusalem
Post
At Purim time, there seems
to be a caste system for the way the fun is distributed. People get the most,
as one would expect, considering how the main protagonists in the Purim drama
were humans (except for Haman – we’re still not sure about him!). Then there’s
the family pet, who generally benefits from the leftover junk food that none of
us want to look at the next day. And if you’re a believer in the idea of music
and noise being healthy for plants, well, with all the pop gun noise and general
Purim carousing, your green growing things are probably set for their noise
attention for at least a month.
It seems that everyone gets
to have a good time – except your computer! Well, never you fear – this is
where you’ll learn how to get your computer into the right spirit! When you get
done, your computer will have a hard time telling the difference between real
e-mail and spam – not to mention Mordechai and Haman!
Pretty much everything we
know about Purim comes from Megillat Esther, and most of us go to public
readings where lots of anti-Haman tumult is the order of the day. Of course, it
just wouldn’t be Purim without the old fellows in shul saying “Sha!” to the
young ‘uns every few minutes, but if you want to experience a Megillah reading
and actually hear all the words without the background noise, you’ll find a
link to an authentic reading at http://www.613.org/purim.html,
for either online listening or downloading (requires Real Audio). The same page
has a number of interesting audio lectures on the holiday, too. A “kid-sized”
audio narration of the Megillah story is available at http://www.tzivos-hashem.org/yomtov/purim/slideshow/prmslshw.html,
with beautiful animated drawings accompanying the story. More multimedia Purim
readings are available at http://www.ahaba.org/zeman.asp?id=13,
which has links to a Sephardic audio Megillah reading. And if you’d rather just
read your Megillah without any background aural accompaniment, you’ll find an
English translation at http://www.us-israel.org/jsource/Bible/Esthertoc.html.
While reading the Megillah,
it’s traditional to make lots of noise when the reader mentions Haman’s name –
boo! Most congregants make do with a simple gragger, or the old
heel-of-the-shoe-on-the-tile thing, but more enterprising folks will come
equipped with sirens, foghorns, cap guns, and the like. But even those are
pedestrian, compared to the Cyber fireworks display you can create yourself at http://www.cyberfireworks.com. You
pick a location (baseball game, New York Skyline, etc.), turn up the volume, start
clicking – and not only will you hear the satisfying crackle of fireworks going
off, you’ll see a beautiful multicolor display that will steal the show when
the bad guy makes his Megillah appearance.
Nobody living today was
around when the Purim story took place, except maybe for some old tortoises or
aliens, so none of really know what Mordechai, Esther and company looked like
(although there are rumors that Haman looked kind of like this guy (http://www.time.com/time/poy2001/photo/khomeini.html),
a number of classical artists had some interesting and striking renditions of
all the Purim protagonists. Michelangelo, Rubens, Rembrandt and many other
artist’s portraits of the Megillah’s highlights are viewable on-line at http://www.textweek.com/art/esther.htm.
OK, Megillah’s all read, now
it’s time for the big Purim costume party! Some people (we all know the type!)
insist on going down to the local costume store and spending top shekel on an
outfit, but, if you ask me, that ruins all the fun! Why go out and buy an
outfit when you can make a perfectly good one on-line for free? http://www.babaganewz.com/ has a cute
costume maker, where you dress up a rather plain looking fellow in all sorts of
imaginative outfits (click on the Purim link on the page). If the idea of a
costume seems too ambitious, how about just making a mask? At Zigzagworld (http://www.zigzagworld.com/mask/)
you can make a nice mask and crown, suitable for any up and coming Persian
monarch. If you need some inspiration for an imaginative costume design, take a
look at the links on http://www.milieux.com/costume/costume1.html,
which is a great list of the Web’s costume sites, from stores to museums.
Of course, the humans at the
party (you’re going to be inviting at least some people, aren’t you?) might
enjoy dressing up too, and you can provide your guests with all the costumes
they need by surfing to http://h71036.www7.hp.com/hho/cache/238-0-0-225-121.aspx,
which is a Hewlett-Packard site with downloadable clown invitations, coasters,
party hats – everything you need to have a first class clown party! All the
artwork is free – you just print out the PDF file on your printer, fold (each
project comes with instructions) and decorate. In fact, if you like this kind
of stuff, why not take a look at the other projects on the HP Printsville site,
which you can check out at http://h71036.www7.hp.com/hho/cache/257-0-0-225-121.aspx.
There are projects for just about any event, holiday or celebration you can
think of (I actually did not see projects for Purim, but there were a number
for Chanukah and Passover). Many of the projects require card stock, but all
have excellent instructions, and the site is a treasure trove of free party
preparation and decoration projects.
Food: Well, of course you
have to feed your guests. You and your human buddies will no doubt nosh the
night away on hamentashen, but don’t forget to feed your PC. How about a nice
ice cream cone? http://www.cybercones.com/
lets you create your own ice cream cone on-line, which you can also “send” to a
friend’s computer. Couple the ice cream with a virtual Shiner brand beer (http://www.shiner.com/vrtbeer.html)
which you can also e-mail, and you’ll have your computer distributing Mishloach
Manot to all its buddies on the network! You’ll also need some music for your
party, but forget the CD’s and illegally download MP3s (you people know who you
are!). You can create your very own band on-line and have some funky tunes
playing on your PC. You get to pick the style, instruments, even the musicians!
If you know what you like in music, take a look at http://www.createbands.com/ and build
your own rock n’roll band. And while you’re “groovin’ to the tunes,” knock your
guests dead with the funniest (well, some of them are, at least) Jewish jokes
this side of a Catskills geriatric comedian convention. You can find over 1,100
Jewish jokes, puzzles and riddles at http://www.awordinyoureye.com
(bet you didn’t think there were that many in existence!). If your taste runs
to really intelligent comedy, like “Why did the chicken cross the road,” you
will have a ball at http://www.chickenjoke.com,
which gives answers to that most insightful of questions as the world’s best
and brightest would have answered it (Astronaut Neil Armstrong’s answer: “To go
where no chicken has gone before.” You get the idea).
As far as that other Purim
tradition, giving charity, is concerned, you can help your computer to engage
in wonderful charitable works, and it won’t cost you a cent! All you have to do
is follow the links on http://www.xs4all.nl/~myranya/help4free.html,
which leads you to sites that have deals with all sorts of companies that will
donate money every time someone clicks on the site! Organizations dedicated to
finding cures for various diseases, providing food and education for the needy,
and for protecting the environment can all benefit materially from your virtual
donation. And if you’re about ready for the festive Purim meal, get yours
on-line at http://www.mailameal.com,
where you can e-mail a delicious looking e-meal to your favorite computer!
Wasn’t that a great Purim?
Now, of course, it’s time to clean up, right? Well, don’t touch that broom!
Your computer is going to be so appreciative of all you’ve for it that it will
most likely be more than happy to volunteer to clean up. The Sodaconstructor
on-line application at http://sodarace.net
lets you build a geometric “robot” that you can race against other robots or AI
creatures over the Net. You use the application’s tools to build your robot and
put it into the racing pool, where you can see if your design – based on
principles of geometry, gravity and physics – can be other users’ creations.
And if it’s smart enough to figure out how to win a race, a little mopping and
dusting should certainly not be beyond its capabilities!
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